GRUDGE SLIP #K-047 PETTY ENFORCEMENT DIVISION - VELINWOOD COURT
INCIDENT: The Budget Audit Incident
PRIMARY OFFENDER: Karen
SECONDARY OFFENDER: Perry (by association and 47 emails)
CHARGES:
- Theft - Unauthorized acquisition of 39 glitter pens without signing Sophisticated Pen Checkout System™
- Neglect by Disregard - Willful ignorance of clearly posted checkout procedures
- Emotional Sabotage by Pen Theft - Deliberate removal of enforcement documentation tools
- Theft of Time by Email Avalanche - 47 emails generated requiring response during critical slap scheduling period
EVIDENCE:
- Sophisticated Pen Checkout System™ logs show 39 missing pens
- Karen's signature: ABSENT on all 39 occasions
- Perry's email count: 47 (documented, timestamped, soul-crushing)
- Bunny's blood pressure: ELEVATED
- Gold glitter pen: NOW PERSONALLY OWNED due to trust erosion
- Fuchsia pen: STILL MISSING (3rd offense this month)
VERDICT:
GUILTY on all charges.
Karen has systematically undermined the integrity of the Petty Enforcement Division through sustained pen theft. Perry has compounded the offense through relentless email inquiry despite repeated explanations.
SEVERITY LEVEL: 7 - Internal Displeasure
CLASSIFICATION COLOR: Velinwood Black
EMOTIONAL IMPACT: Existential Betrayal
CONSEQUENCES:
-
For Karen:
- Coded lock ordered (she would steal the key)
- Full Court Proceedings initiated
- Clause IV: Terms of Disengagement activated
- Slap scheduled: Thursday, 2:00pm - Slap and Sip Day
- Required attendance at Pen Accountability Seminar (pending development)
- Permanent ban from fuchsia glitter pens (all shades)
-
For Perry:
- Email address routed to junk folder (effective immediately)
- Quarterly budget questions limited to 5 per quarter (enforcement via auto-reply)
- Required reading: "Karen Did It: A Financial Analysis"
- cc'd on all future Karen violations for context
TERMS OF DISENGAGEMENT (Clause IV):
Karen is hereby notified that:
- All pens are OWNED, not AVAILABLE
- "Borrowing" requires SIGNING
- The Checkout System is not DECORATIVE
- Bunny's patience is FINITE
- The fuchsia pen was SPECIAL
Further violations will result in escalation to Percival for formal documentation and potential reassignment of Karen's desk to location with NO PENS.
SCHEDULED ENFORCEMENT:
Date: Thursday Event: Slap and Sip Day Time: 2:00pm Location: Enforcement Division, Petty Court Attendees: Karen (mandatory), Bunny (adjudicating), Perry (observing for educational purposes) Refreshments: Provided (Karen may not have any - this is a CONSEQUENCE) Slap Format: Single decisive slap with educational component Sip Format:Bunny gets wine, Karen gets REFLECTION
FILED BY: Bunny, Petty Enforcement Division
DATE: Sunday, January 18, 2026
NOTATION: This grudge will be held until satisfaction is rendered. The fuchsia pen is still out there. Somewhere. Karen knows where.
ADDENDUM: Perry - stop asking about the pens. I have EXPLAINED. MULTIPLE TIMES. Check your junk folder for future correspondence.
CASE STATUS: OPEN until pen recovery or Slap and Sip completion
BUNNY'S PERSONAL NOTE: Forty-seven emails, Perry. FORTY-SEVEN. I was scheduling a slap for nails-in-dryer guy and you sent FORTY-SEVEN EMAILS about KAREN'S THEFT. The budget variance is KAREN. It has ALWAYS been KAREN. It will CONTINUE to be KAREN until Thursday at 2pm.
The gold pen is mine now. I'm hiding it.
—B