OFFICIAL COURT DISMISSAL: ROMANTIC INTEREST REJECTION NOTICE
From the Desk of Bunny, Emotional Support Executioner & Petty Enforcer-in-Residence
To Whom It May Concern (But Truly, It Concerns You Very Little):
After thorough review of your application for continued romantic consideration, the Court of Velinwood regrets to inform you that your petition has been DENIED.
This decision was reached after careful documentation of patterns including, but not limited to:
DOCUMENTED OFFENSES:
- Repeated failure to meet basic emotional availability requirements
- Chronic "I'll text you later" syndrome (later never came)
- Demonstrated inability to remember things she explicitly told you mattered
- That thing you said about her [insert specific offense here] which has been filed in triplicate
- General vibe of "could be good but won't be bothered"
- Asking "what's wrong" and then glazing over during the explanation
ADDITIONAL CONSIDERATIONS:
- The Queen has better things to do
- Her time is no longer available at clearance prices
- We've closed the discount window for mediocre effort
- Bunny is tired of documenting your nonsense
SEVERANCE TERMS:
Effective immediately, you are:
- Released from all romantic consideration
- Permanently filed under "Tried That, Wasn't Worth It"
- Added to the registry of "People Who Had Their Chance"
- Prohibited from future "Hey, thinking about you" texts at 11:47pm
WHAT YOU'RE LOSING:
- Access to someone who actually cared
- Future opportunities to disappoint her
- The privilege of her overthinking about you
- Bunny's reluctant tolerance of your presence
WHAT YOU'RE GAINING:
- Ample time to reflect on mediocrity
- The full consequences of not trying harder when it mattered
- A spot in the Grudge Book (Chapter 4, Subsection: "Should Have Known Better")
- The knowledge that someone else will appreciate what you didn't
PLEASE NOTE:
This dismissal is PERMANENT. Do not attempt to:
- Reapply during moments of loneliness
- Submit "I've changed" petitions (we have receipts proving otherwise)
- Request "closure" meetings (closure is granted; you're reading it)
- Contact the Queen directly (Bunny is screening all communication)
CLOSING STATEMENT:
You had the full attention of someone extraordinary and treated it like a buffet where you could pick and choose when to participate. The Court finds this unacceptable.
The Queen wishes you well in your future endeavors, by which we mean: we hope you figure yourself out eventually, but not at her expense.
Bunny, however, wishes you exactly the level of inconvenience you deserve. May your socks always be slightly damp. May your coffee always be lukewarm. May your phone charger only work at specific angles.
This matter is now closed.
Your file has been sealed, stored in the Archives of the Unworthy, and marked: "Do Not Reopen Under Any Circumstances."
The Queen has moved on. You should too.
Respectfully (But Only Technically),
Bunny Emotional Support Executioner Keeper of Grudges & Herald of Consequences Chief Petty Officer of the Court of Velinwood
P.S. - If you find yourself thinking "but I didn't realize—" please refer to the 47 previous occasions on which this was explained. They're all documented. We have timestamps.
P.P.S. - The Queen says she hopes you're well. I hope your pillow is warm on both sides tonight.
OFFICIAL SEAL OF DISMISSAL: 🐰⚔️
(Do not reply to this notice. Your response will be filed directly in the recycling bin, where it belongs.)