Field Manual: Smol Resistance
Unit Name: The Smol Resistance™
Motto: Smol. Stubborn. Slightly Violent.
Founding Incident:
Witnessed at dawn by one rather disheveled Queen and a blanket thief of a dog.
Date: Unknown
Location: Somewhere near the jam jar.
Status: Activated.
Known Ranks:
• Commander Gnaw – Oldest, wisest, slightly damp. Wears a monocle. Doesn’t need it.
• Sergeant Nibbles – Has anger issues. Small stick collector. Unstable with caffeine.
• Corporal Whiskerthud – Tactical screecher. Sleeps in armor.
• Private Splinter – Rookie. Too earnest. Writes poetry in bark.
Deployment Tactics:
• Emerge from wall hatch marked “absolutely not a secret door”
• March single-file with dramatic squeaks
• Bite first, read warrants later
• Deploy sparkle bombs, sawdust smokescreens, and scrolls labeled “Respectfully, No.”
Grievances Worth Mobilization:
• Insufficient snack distribution
• Beige diplomacy
• Blanket injustice
• Emotional tone policing
• Someone touched the Queen’s pens
• Being called “adorable” in a dismissive tone
Known For:
Guarding the Queen’s coffee
Barking at sadness
Gnawing through unsolicited opinions
Rescuing stolen hats
Posting passive-aggressive notes in glitter ink
Battlecry:
“WE BITE FOR HER MAJESTY!”
Flag of the Smol Resistance (Field Version)
Materials:
One small rectangle of anything slightly tattered (tea towel scrap, old shirt bit, felt square)
Fabric marker or Sharpie
One skewer/stick/doweling (even a paintbrush will do)
Optional: ribbon, button, sticker, sparkle, tiny spoon glued to the top like a war trophy
Emma's Field Notes:
A little dangerous.
A little unhinged.
Adorably armed.
And it leaves everyone asking:
“Wait… are they serious?”
To which the answer is, of course:
"We’re the Smol Resistance. Try us."
"Smol. Stubborn. Slightly violent. Utterly magical."
A regiment of tiny beavers.
Marching in perfect unison.
Ridiculous. Adorable. Fierce.
The lead beaver is in heels.
Patent leather, cherry red, with a gold buckle and absolutely no explanation.
She doesn’t even march — she clacks.
The sound echoes like judgment and disco.
Her name? Unconfirmed. Possibly Marjorie.
But the others call her “The Clackback.”
Behind her?
A beaver in a crushed velvet cape (Emma’s design).
One with a ceremonial spoon strapped across his back like a sword.
Two drummers—one plays off-beat on purpose just to irritate Bunny.
One with glitter on his face and a clipboard. (Not technically part of the regiment. Still outranks half the castle.)
Commendation Speech, Delivered by Bunny (under duress):
“Ahem.
By order of the Queen, and under the silent glower of our resident rodent heiress,
you are hereby awarded the Medal of Emotional Containment
for Valor in the Face of Monday Morning Fuckery.
You marched.
You clacked.
You color-guarded your fuzzy asses through psychological chaos
and managed not to stab a single sibling,
which is frankly more than I can say for most of the Court.
Well done, you smol, stubborn, slightly violent marvels.
Now get back in the wall before someone mistakes you for plushies.”
Final Salute:
All beavers pause.
One raises a spoon to her chest.
Another taps the googly eye on the flag for luck.
They do not wave goodbye.
They nod.
Because they’ll be back.
And Mondays come every week.
APPENDIX ENTRY: OFFICIAL ROYAL RELIC
Filed under: Weapons of Moderate Distraction
Item: The Rhinestone Paperclip
Guardians: The Smol Resistance
Classification: Decorative, Petty, Sacred
Description:
A singular office supply item bejeweled in fury,
rumored to hold together the final clause of a Monday treaty.
It sparkles with unreasonable self-importance
and has never once been used for actual paperwork.
Oath of the Resistance:
"We hold the clip,
Not for function,
But for flair."
—Signed in glitter ink.
They are watching.
They are fabulous.
And they are armed with stationery.