Filed Under: Emma’s Field Notes / Failed Institutions / Satirical Origins
Before she was Their Highness of Contradictions (and Cutlery), Emma attended the infamous Camp Velinwood: a short-lived and deeply regrettable experiment in emotional regulation and group bonding. Overseen by an ever-nervous Counselor, the camp was intended to promote unity, “I” statements, and constructive communication among court members. It did not go well.
The Counselor wore shorts that were slightly too short, carried a laminated clipboard, and was in a near-constant state of internal panic about lawsuits, group crying, and the unpredictable chaos of Velinwood nobility.
Emma took detailed notes. Observed chaos. Diagnosed everything. Her Field Notes begin here. Sacred records of rebellion, hilarity, and micro-aggressions during “trust fall” exercises.
Bunny lasted three minutes before yelling, “Absolutely not,” and faking a dramatic allergic reaction to bug spray. Took over the mess hall and distributed grudge slips with every meal.
Jack had never actually signed the waiver. No one knows how he got there. Ran an underground “campfire séance” where nobody cried, but several spirits may have been threatened.
The Queen attempted to be a good sport for about 45 minutes. Made a flower crown. Immediately weaponized it. Officially declared war on the “Counselor-to-Court Emotional Feedback Loop.” Walked into the lake. (Then came back with a sacred relic.)
The phrase “I didn’t come here to sing Kumbaya, I came to burn the rulebook” is now carved into a tree stump in the outer wilds of Velinwood.
You can find Emma’s bedtime story book, and more of her stories on our website
Also on Kindle and goodreads.