Bunny’s Corporate Breakdown Vol. II: The Breakroom Rebellion

INTRODUCTION

Why We Can't Have Nice Things

This volume documents what happens when office equipment develops preferences.

I wish I could say this was fiction. I wish I could say this was exaggerated for comedic effect. I wish I could say that at any point during the compilation of this documentation, I thought "this seems unreasonable to include."

I cannot say any of those things.

Everything in this volume is real. Everything in this volume has been documented according to standard protocols. Everything in this volume makes me question my life choices.

The break room microwave operates on what can only be described as "vibes." It has opinions. It makes judgments. It refuses service to individuals it deems unworthy (see: Carl). It has a preferred user (see: Emma). It will not accept manual time input. It has a googly eye sticker that it is emotionally attached to.

I have filed seventeen complaints about this. Sixteen of them were filed by me, to myself, about having to deal with this.

The microwave works. The microwave works well. The microwave simply works in ways that certain individuals (see: Chad, Facilities Manager) cannot accept.

This volume exists to document:

How we got here

Why we're staying here

Why Chad needs to stop trying to fix things

If you're reading this as a new employee: welcome to Velinwood Court. The microwave has opinions. Be nice to it. Don't cook fish. Emma can help you.

If you're reading this as Chad: stop.

If you're reading this as Carl: the 3rd floor break room is still an option.

If you're reading this as anyone else: I'm sorry. We're all doing our best.

— Bunny

Officer of Anomalies and Petty Offenses Division